A Life Lesson from Death

My cellular phone gave off its usual ear-piercing tone, telling me that somebody had just sent me a message. At first, I felt slightly irritated, as I was studying for my Chinese history test tomorrow and apparently, one of my classmates was bothering me again. Looking at the message, I realized that it was from a friend, and she was asking me if I wouldn’t mind collecting the college entrance application forms of my classmates for her because she couldn’t go to school tomorrow. Of course, I really don’t mind; after all, she’s one of my closest friends.

Why are you going to be absent tomorrow?

With a flexible thumb, I quickly typed in my question and sent it back to her. After a few seconds, when my cellphone rang once again, I was expecting an answer like, “I have to stay my home and take care of my father” or “Oh well, I’m not feeling well.”

But it was not. It was a reply that never crossed my mind.

I have to stay at home. My father had just passed away.

Passed away? You mean, dead? I looked at the screen again, hoping that it was only my poor eyesight failing me again, but that wasn’t the case. She really did say, “passed away.”

Maybe it’s just a joke. Maybe she’s just joking. But why would she kid about something as serious as that? She is not that type of person. Especially since her father is barely clinging to life now.

At that moment, time seemed to stop and somehow, I felt as if all my blood had stopped circulating. Somehow, those words numbed all my senses. I didn’t know what to reply next. I just sat on my chair with a blank expression in my eyes, clutching my mobile phone tightly.

Barely overcoming my shock, I tried to type in my reply with my trembling hands. I didn’t know what to tell her, or rather, I didn’t know what words would be best enough for her not to feel the pain once again. After several backspaces and inserts, I finally managed to express my condolations.

Oh…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I…just want you to know that if you need a shoulder to cry on, I’ll be right there for you.

I wanted so much to put on a smiley face as I usually did at the end of my messages, but I don’t think she’d appreciate that, even if it were meant to lift her spirits up. It’s just not the right time, I told myself.

At that moment, tears threatened to fall down my eyes. My vision blurred, and I felt a solitary tear trailing down my cheek. My father, seeing this, asked, “What’s wrong with you? You’re crying without any reason at all. Don’t tell me that your history lesson’s really driving you nuts!” But I didn’t reply or laugh at the joke. I just stared blankly in space, with my eye vision still hazy, hands still balled into fists. Then, when I noticed my mom and dad looking at me with concerned faces, I decided to break the news.

With my eyes downcast, I stuttered, “I-I can’t believe it. My friend’s father, he’s already dead. You know…Uncle Tony…”

For a moment, there was silence—a very deafening silence. I looked up only to see my parents giving me the same shocked expression I was also giving them earlier. Say something…anything!

My father, as expected, was the first to recover. “Death…is inevitable. I understand that you feel sorry for your friend, but that’s just how it is. Your friend has no choice but to face the reality of her father’s death and move on,” was all he said.

How can it be so easy? Move on? As in get over with it? But it’s not that easy to get over the pain of losing someone so close…so important to you!

“But… I can still remember those times…when I was still a little kid….and he would smile and ask me about school. Then, when I came to my friend’s house just some time ago, I was still able to talk to her father. He could still walk around with his already frail legs…and he could still scare the dog whenever it attempts to do mischief. It’s just…hard to believe that he’s gone. I really feel sorry for my friend; she doesn’t deserve this.” After giving off a sigh, I continued, “she’ll never be the same again.”

Now it was my mom who spoke up. “Don’t worry. She’s a strong girl. And also…I guess she’s also happy for her dad…that finally her father’s struggle between life and death has come to an end.”

“I guess you’re right mom. But this…she doesn’t deserve any of this! It was already hard for her when she first knew the condition of her dad! She…”

“Yes, but death will come to each and everyone of us. It is unavoidable, and it doesn’t matter whether we deserve it or not. We are fated to face the death of our loved ones, and of course, our own as well.”


It was a Saturday, and as expected, there was traffic. One hell of a traffic jam. My dad, seeing this, asked me if I would rather like to walk.

The Recto Paz, where the wake would be held, was still a little far away, but I don’t mind walking, so I stepped down the car and followed my father. It was a very hot morning, and the sun’s rays were hot against my skin, but I couldn’t care less. Sweating under the sun for a little while wouldn’t hurt a damn. Besides, some of my classmates are going to commute by jeepney together with my history teacher to pay her father’s wake a visit.

I have to go there. I have to show my friend that I care…that I’ll always be there for her, especially in times like this.

Finally, after a few minutes, Dad and I reached the Recto Paz. Pasted at the left wall beside the entrance, where a flight of stairs painted in blue could be seen inside, were a couple of Chinese names written in calligraphy. Seeing my friend’s family surname, I smiled, told my father that he could leave for work now, and climbed up the stairs toward the second floor.

I was really dying to surprise her with my unexpected arrival, but as I looked through the glass door of the room, I saw some of my other classmates, as well as my history teacher, already there talking to her. Well, I didn’t expect that they’d arrive first.

When I came in and said “hello” to everyone, I approached her with the best smile I could muster and expressed my condolence by donating a five hundred. I was little embarrassed when I saw that my other classmates’ donations where placed in tiny envelopes, because I didn’t put mine in one. I hope she didn’t mind. I hope she knew that my condolence did come from the heart.

After that, she told us to write our names on a notebook where all those who came to her father’s wake were listed and then, offered us candies and juices. Finally, after a few chitchats, it was time to go. When one of my classmates saw that some of my friends, including me, went to the door without saying goodbye, she asked why with a look that also said, “What you guys did was rude”.

“It’s Chinese tradition. You don’t say goodbye to the one in mourning. Don’t worry, she knows that too,” I explained.


It was after this moment that I realized how lucky I was to have never faced the death of someone very much dear to me. My grandparents died before I was born, so I did not know how my father, as well as my aunts and uncles, had mourn for them. Three of my relatives from my mother’s side also died, but since I barely saw and knew them, I didn’t really cry. I just felt sorry for not getting to know them better, for not being able to say, “Hi. Do you know me? I’m your niece, your sister’s daughter. I wish I could get to know you better.” All in all, I’ve never grieved for anyone yet. I’ve never felt that sudden loss that is so painful that it would drive one to endless tears and hopelessness.

I realized that I should live my life to the fullest and cherish all those that held a special place in my heart while I still can. Come to think of it, the reason why people struggle so much to achieve success is that they knew that there would come a day when they would have to leave this world. They were only given one chance, one life to chase their dreams and reach for the stars. That incident reminded me that life is something that was bestowed upon me for free, and I must do all that I can to make it worthwhile, for I don’t want to die knowing that I wasn’t able to accomplish anything—or rather, I don’t want to die knowing that people who still live would remember me as someone without ambition. A failure at that.

If we tried to look at death in a different light, we would realize that death is not such a cruel thing after all; in fact, it is able to encourage us to face the challenges in life and seek for happiness. Since we knew that death would one day come after us, we urge ourselves to try our very best and live our life the way we want to while there is still time left. Death, in another sense, is also able to open our eyes to the reality that we are luckier than we thought. Some people die not being able to complete his/her life’s mission; some died not being able to find the happiness that he or she had longed for. But those who are still alive are still capable of continuing their search for the things they wanted so much to have.

In short, death is what makes life so beautiful.